Dear 9 year old me.
You don't know who I am yet. You don't know that I exist. In your mind I won't, you won't let me exist. Because in your mind that means pain, to many years of pain. But I am compelled to write to you, because you need to know what you are capable of. SO many things.
When you hear the word Baldy. Don't worry. Yes it will hurt, it will sting. Just know this will ultimately be your greatest strength. You are going to endure hell. Pure Hell. But don't be afraid. You can do this.
When you feel ugly. Know that yes, you look different. People don't know how to react around different, and that's not your fault. That is their own. You don't need to feel any less than perfect, because you are your own perfect.
When you feel like giving up. Please don't. Please know that this is a test, and it will help create who you are meant to be. Rock bottom is a great place to start re-building your life. Take advantage of it.
When you look in the mirror. Smile. Smile BIG. That smile is going to get you places. That smile is going to help ease many other peoples own fears. Smile big and smile often.
When you are scared. Take a big deep breath and release it. Know that you are not given anything more than you can handle. Life is what you make it, don't let scared be part of your vocabulary.
When you start believing in yourself, don't stop. Start running. Run as fast as you can, because baby when you start running ahead of your troubles, and start running faster than life, you will create energy that cannot be stopped. When doubt creeps in, start running a little faster. When doubt creeps in again, SCREAM. Scream until you get out all your frustrations, and start running again.
When you are betrayed, don't worry. That's just God's way of taking out the trash. His way of getting rid of people who will hold you back.
Most importantly. Please listen, because I know it's very hard to hear this,
When you hear someone say 'You are Beautiful'. Believe them.
Know this is truth. Know that there will come a time in your life when all the negativity will fall away, and you will start to become a light. A light to help others. And when this time comes, stop for a moment and look around. You will be surrounded by other lights. These lights are called your family, your friends and your mentors. These lights have been placed a midst your darkness to help lead you in the right direction.
When you start following these lights, your dreams will reveal themselves. Dreams that you have thought would be impossible, you would be to scared to do. Dreams that you aren't worthy of.
Baby, You are worthy. So worthy. Dream big. Bigger than you are comfortable with, because you will have opportunities to run, to hide, to shy away. But you wont. You have to much light, to many light sources around you to hide.
Soon there will be no more darkness. Only light. Because you are your own light source. Embrace who you are, because there are people, many people who need you.
Dear 9 year old me, I love you. You are who I needed to be. You are my inspiration, you are my hero, you are my hope. You will change so many lives, and you will inspire many many people. You've got this. And i'm right behind ya!
Love 30 year old me.